Kids Say

Guest Entry : Throw out the W/rappers

2009-11-23T21:05:51Z

Guest Entry from Rob about Molly:

Almost crashed today while driving home from picking Molly up after her teen sleepover fun.
“Dad, music and candy have something in common.”
“What’s that, dear?”
“They’re both great once you throw out the w.rappers.”

I Do Yo’ Nail - Fi’ Dolla!

2009-08-01T09:09:24Z

I coerced Sebastian into letting me cut his fingernails since he wouldn’t do it himself. I was very careful not to cut them too short and to do it as quickly and painlessly as possible, but when I got to the last one, I admit I cut it a little short. It wasn’t painfully short, but still I was disappointed so I apologetically explained, “Well, rats, I got that one too short. I’m really sorry, buddy.”

“It’s alright,” Sebastian said diplomatically, “But I’m not sure I’ll be willing to pay you full price.”

Tentacle Man

2009-03-26T03:20:11Z

Jenica, age 8: Daddy, I’m Jack Sparrow. You be the other guy! The guy with testicles all over his face!

Guest Entry: Joscelin

2009-03-07T05:25:24Z

We were all sitting around at dinner and discussing how much the bedrooms needed cleaning up with the older girls. Joscelin chimed in and said “You all better clean up your rooms. If you don’t, Mom and Dad will be Very Very mad at you.”

Surprised, cause we don’t usually get such clear statements out of her, we all sort of gave her a community Blank Stare. After a moment of this, Joscelin looked me in the eye and explained: (matter of fact as you can be)

“I know everything.”

(From my good friend and a kindred spirit, Robert.)

Suck It Up

2009-01-13T01:19:02Z

Lately I’ve pushed for the kids to be more green, not necessarily strictly for environmental reasons so much as financial ones. It’s a lot cheaper to re-use cups than wash them or buy new ones (in the case of plastic disposable ones) and I’ve even gone so far as to re-use ziplock baggies, etc.

For New Years Eve, I actually did something out of character and bought disposable plastic straws for the kids to use with their fancy “mixed drinks” we made (fruit juices and 7-up, mostly). When the kids were done and went to put their cups in the sink, Jenica asked hesitantly, “Uh… Mom, what should I do with the straw?”

Sebastian rolled his eyes and said, “Just throw it away, Jenica. Even we’re not that ghetto that we’d re-use cheap straws!”

Except, sadly, I actually spent a split second contemplating what it would take to sanitize the straws for using again before I determined the hassle wouldn’t make it worthwhile. I guess I’ll have to suck it up and deal with throwing them out.

A Joke From Sebastian

2008-05-16T19:14:00Z

A girl and a guy go out to dinner together and while they are there, the guy tells a funny joke. The girl thinks the joke is absolutely hilarious and exclaims, “LOL!”

“LOL?” the boy asks. “Did you REALLY just say L - O - L ? That’s chat speak and we’re sitting face to face!”

The girl shrugs and asks, “What’s the big deal? I thought it was funny.”

“Yeah,” the guy says, “But you don’t SAY LOL, you DO it when you’re with someone. I don’t know if I can date someone who’s so out of touch with reality.”

The girl gets angry and crosses her arms over her chest before saying, “Does this mean you’re going to make me pay for dinner?”

The boy thinks about it a minute then says, “Well, I had considered it, but I doubt they accept Pay Pal here.”

Easter Egg Madness

2008-03-23T11:01:00Z

I asked Devon if he’d ask the neighbor for an egg so I could make a pineapple-upside-down cake to bring to the Easter dinner to which we were invited. The irony in this is that I had 4 dozen eggs (no joke) in the fridge, but all of them were hard boiled and dyed funny colors. Devon was very willing to go, which made me wonder what he was up to so I asked.

“Oh, this is going to be good,” he said excitedly. “I’m going to knock on the door and say, “My mother is baking a cake. May I please have an egg?” When they come back with an egg I’m going to take it, and right in front of them smash the egg against the side of their house on purpose. Then I’m going to right away ask, “So hey, may I please have one for my mom, now?”“

I almost peed myself laughing. I would have paid to see him do it, but I’m pretty sure if he had, we wouldn’t be allowed to borrow eggs ever again. He came back with one egg and no one called to complain, so I’m assuming he didn’t actually do it. I hope.

Sick Singing

2007-10-10T19:01:00Z

Jenica is home sick today. She’s had a bad tummy ache and has been throwing up. This doesn’t stop her incessantly cheerful singing, though. Right now she’s at her computer merrily humming and singing. Some of it is nonsensical, though I’m catching snippets of her song here and there. The most recent lyrics? “La la la. My tummy hurts. My throw up is a little green!”

I’ve Got the Whole World… in my arms…

2007-09-25T09:12:01Z

Jenica recently drew a series of pictures featuring me (well, and mostly her, but I was in them, too.) There were different poses. Sometimes we were standing. Sometimes we were sitting. Sometimes we were doing various tasks together around the house or yard. In every single picture, my arms were humongous-long. Now, if all of Jenica’s people had extendo-gadget-arms, I’d just assume that was her drawing style, but no, just mine. When I asked her about it, this was her reply:

“You have to have long arms, Mommy. You have to wrap them around everyone when you hug.”

On Spanking

2007-09-03T03:00:01Z

“I don’t believe in spanking. I think kids should get a good clock to the ear, instead.”

Sebastian, age 10

Mom’s Gonna Kill You!

2007-07-12T22:06:00Z

Yesterday, we went on the Skunk Train, in Ft. Bragg. I overheard a little girl tell her brother who was leaning out of the train car, “Be careful! If you fall out and die, Mom’s gonna kill you!”

Erm… Yes?

2007-02-06T06:29:01Z

Jenica: Can a mommy who’s married kiss her daddy?

I think that was the question. She asked it several ways in different wording, each more confusing than the last. Finally, I assured her that daughters are allowed to kiss their daddies forever and ever even if they are grown up or married or have boyfriends or have kids of their own. That seemed to ease her mind a great deal.

Kung Fu

2006-12-21T04:37:00Z

Jenica was curled up watching a movie with Daddy when a big fight scene broke out where the combatants busted out their best eastern fight moves. Jenica turned to her dad and said solemnly, “Daddy? I don’t know Kung Fu.”

After his initial shock, he smiled and patted her and promised, “We’ll work on that. Especially before you start dating.”

Our Own Chat Channel

2006-12-11T11:46:01Z

We were all sitting at our computers playing our own separate games in our cool new home computer lab when Devon farted really loudly. Like. An unholy noise that could only come from the depths of hell itself. The following dialog ensued. Aloud, mind you.

Me: OMFG! Devon!
Jenica: Ew!
Devon: Noobs!
Me: WTF, Devon? Uber gross.
Devon: LOL
Jenica: LOL
Me: ROFLMAO
Devon: Ew, That was bad. I guess I modded my fart.
Me: HAXXOR!
Devon: ROFL
Me: LMAO
Jenica: LOL
Sebastian: STFU SPAMMERS!

Hm… maybe it’s time to… step… away… from the computers…

Holey Beads, Batman!

2006-12-06T21:32:00Z

Jenica: Your beads are getting old, Mommy. I can tell because they have holes in them.