Kids Say

A Joke From Sebastian

2008-05-16T19:14:00Z

A girl and a guy go out to dinner together and while they are there, the guy tells a funny joke. The girl thinks the joke is absolutely hilarious and exclaims, “LOL!”

“LOL?” the boy asks. “Did you REALLY just say L - O - L ? That’s chat speak and we’re sitting face to face!”

The girl shrugs and asks, “What’s the big deal? I thought it was funny.”

“Yeah,” the guy says, “But you don’t SAY LOL, you DO it when you’re with someone. I don’t know if I can date someone who’s so out of touch with reality.”

The girl gets angry and crosses her arms over her chest before saying, “Does this mean you’re going to make me pay for dinner?”

The boy thinks about it a minute then says, “Well, I had considered it, but I doubt they accept Pay Pal here.”

Easter Egg Madness

2008-03-23T11:01:00Z

I asked Devon if he’d ask the neighbor for an egg so I could make a pineapple-upside-down cake to bring to the Easter dinner to which we were invited. The irony in this is that I had 4 dozen eggs (no joke) in the fridge, but all of them were hard boiled and dyed funny colors. Devon was very willing to go, which made me wonder what he was up to so I asked.

“Oh, this is going to be good,” he said excitedly. “I’m going to knock on the door and say, “My mother is baking a cake. May I please have an egg?” When they come back with an egg I’m going to take it, and right in front of them smash the egg against the side of their house on purpose. Then I’m going to right away ask, “So hey, may I please have one for my mom, now?"”

I almost peed myself laughing. I would have paid to see him do it, but I’m pretty sure if he had, we wouldn’t be allowed to borrow eggs ever again. He came back with one egg and no one called to complain, so I’m assuming he didn’t actually do it. I hope.

Sick Singing

2007-10-10T19:01:00Z

Jenica is home sick today. She’s had a bad tummy ache and has been throwing up. This doesn’t stop her incessantly cheerful singing, though. Right now she’s at her computer merrily humming and singing. Some of it is nonsensical, though I’m catching snippets of her song here and there. The most recent lyrics? “La la la. My tummy hurts. My throw up is a little green!”

I’ve Got the Whole World… in my arms…

2007-09-25T09:12:01Z

Jenica recently drew a series of pictures featuring me (well, and mostly her, but I was in them, too.) There were different poses. Sometimes we were standing. Sometimes we were sitting. Sometimes we were doing various tasks together around the house or yard. In every single picture, my arms were humongous-long. Now, if all of Jenica’s people had extendo-gadget-arms, I’d just assume that was her drawing style, but no, just mine. When I asked her about it, this was her reply:

“You have to have long arms, Mommy. You have to wrap them around everyone when you hug.”

On Spanking

2007-09-03T03:00:01Z

“I don’t believe in spanking. I think kids should get a good clock to the ear, instead.”

Sebastian, age 10

Mom’s Gonna Kill You!

2007-07-12T22:06:00Z

Yesterday, we went on the Skunk Train, in Ft. Bragg. I overheard a little girl tell her brother who was leaning out of the train car, “Be careful! If you fall out and die, Mom’s gonna kill you!”

Erm… Yes?

2007-02-06T06:29:01Z

Jenica: Can a mommy who’s married kiss her daddy?

I think that was the question. She asked it several ways in different wording, each more confusing than the last. Finally, I assured her that daughters are allowed to kiss their daddies forever and ever even if they are grown up or married or have boyfriends or have kids of their own. That seemed to ease her mind a great deal.

Kung Fu

2006-12-21T04:37:00Z

Jenica was curled up watching a movie with Daddy when a big fight scene broke out where the combatants busted out their best eastern fight moves. Jenica turned to her dad and said solemnly, “Daddy? I don’t know Kung Fu.”

After his initial shock, he smiled and patted her and promised, “We’ll work on that. Especially before you start dating.”

Our Own Chat Channel

2006-12-11T11:46:01Z

We were all sitting at our computers playing our own separate games in our cool new home computer lab when Devon farted really loudly. Like. An unholy noise that could only come from the depths of hell itself. The following dialog ensued. Aloud, mind you.

Me: OMFG! Devon!
Jenica: Ew!
Devon: Noobs!
Me: WTF, Devon? Uber gross.
Devon: LOL
Jenica: LOL
Me: ROFLMAO
Devon: Ew, That was bad. I guess I modded my fart.
Me: HAXXOR!
Devon: ROFL
Me: LMAO
Jenica: LOL
Sebastian: STFU SPAMMERS!

Hm… maybe it’s time to… step… away… from the computers…

Holey Beads, Batman!

2006-12-06T21:32:00Z

Jenica: Your beads are getting old, Mommy. I can tell because they have holes in them.

Bloody Umpire

2006-11-01T00:45:02Z

Jenica won a pumpkin at the school carnival and proudly brought it home to decorate. Along with the pumpkin, she won stickers with which to decorate it (to my infinite relief, as carving is messy and time consuming.) She took special care to place each and every foam sticker in it’s place with a little fanged mouth and bushy evil eyebrows lined up just so. When she was done, she took a few minutes to inspect her work then ran to get her red marker.

She utterly mangled the poor cute little face with red lines and smears and when I questioned her about it, she explained with obvious exhasperation, “He needed blood, Mommy, he’s an umpire!”

Guest Entry: Mommy Likes VD

2006-10-17T19:58:01Z

Hester indirectly sent this one in via a forward from Tali:

This conversation just took place between me and my 4 year old daughter, Grace.

Grace: Mommy, what is that? (pointing at my can of V8)

Me:: That’s V8. Will you put the can in the trash for me?

Grace: Ok ...Mommy, is that VD?

Me (choking): No honey, V EIGHT

Grace: Mommy, do you like VD?

Me: No, it’s V EIGHT and I do like V EIGHT

Omg, she’s going to go telling people “Mommy likes VD”

Mmm… tastes like chicken.

2006-09-08T00:29:00Z

For some odd reason, Devon has taken to calling his baby sister, “Johnny” when he feels like irritating her. It works quite well. I haven’t worked up enough curiosity or energy to ask why. Today he started in on her with, “How was school today, Johnny?” Jenica retorted angrily, “I’m NOT Johnny! I’m Jenica!” Devon gave her an evil smirk and said, “Oh yeah? Well, Johnny goes to your school.”

“No he doesn’t!”
“Yes he does.”
“No he doesn’t!”
“He sure does!”
“Nuh uh!”
“Yuh huh!”
“I don’t know a Johnny!”

Devon leaned against the counter all smug like and said, “Maybe not, but he sure does go there. He’s in sixth grade.”

Jenica glared at him and said, “No he doesn’t. He’s dead!”

Devon shrugged, “How’d he die?”

Jenica, “I ate him!”

“Yeah right, how’d you eat him?”

Jenica crossed her arms over her chest and spit, “I cut him up with my new scissors and ate every bite just like chicken!”

And gee. I thought Sebastian was my twisted child.

Guest Entry from Jason

2006-05-04T14:47:00Z

Jason Writes:

My daughter Claire is something of a smart aleck. One day when she was 2 she got very frustrated with her mother. Finally she said “I am going to tell my daddy when he gets home and he is going to spank you and fire you!”
And…

When Elise was 2 my dad was barbequing and told her “let’s go throw this meat on the barby.” She said “the what” He said “the barbeque, I call that the barby.” Not to be outdone she looked around and pointed “I call that a table.”

I Don’t NEED This Kind of Stress!

2005-09-15T13:36:00Z

Jenica came running up to me looking rather distressed.

“Mommy! MOMMY! The kitten is chasing me and I’m BUSY! I’m drinking my chocolate milk! I don’t NEED this kind of stress!” she shouted at me.

Oh dear. Looks like mommy is rubbing off a bit too much on Jenica. Heh.