Tuesday, August 23, 2005
Guest Submission : Head Doctor
This one from Mommy Jana who’s daughter Alanna is too smart for her own good. Heheh.
——
Lately we’ve been trying to assuage our daughter’s fear of doctors, since she had a bad experience with needles at her last visit. So everytime someone has gone to the doctor recently we’ve made a big deal out of it. Uncle Steve went to the hand doctor who fixed his hand, Gramma Jackie went to the back doctor to make her back all better, Mommy went to the eye doctor so she doesn’t wear glasses anymore and so forth. I came home from work the other day with a severe headache and needed to lie down. In came Alanna and she immediately bounced on the bed. I asked her to please be quiet, because mommy’s head hurt. She promptly kissed me on the forehead and replied, “Oh! Mommy needs a head doctor!!” How right she is…
Saturday, July 30, 2005
GIANT
Devon got back from camp today and I was so excited to see him that much to his chagrin, I gave him a giant hug and cried out, “Oh my BABY!”
Jenica laughed and yelled, “No way! He’s GIANT!”
And so he is.
(But he’s still my baby.)
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
Our Forefathers
“Mommy! Did you know that Thomas Edison was in contact with aliens?” Devon proclaimed excitedly over dinner. This, shortly after Sebastian had claimed that he believed in angels after watching a TV show over at Neighbor Kid’s house. (Remind me to keep them from going over there, I’m not sure I like all this “I believe in angels,” crap.)
“Um, what makes you say that?” I asked Devon, with no small amount of fear.
Sebastian piped up with, “It’s true! He flew a kite - “
“Er I thought it was Bejamin Franklin who flew a kite,” I asked hesitently, trying to remember my history.
“Mommy, no! He flew a kite and put a message on it and let it go,” Sebastian explained sagely. “You can send messages to the aliens without balloons, you know.”
Stunned, I managed a choked noise, but nothing more before Devon excitedly added, “Oh, and Abe Lincoln had mind powers! How do you think he won the election?”
Even more shocked and, well, dismayed, I tried asking after that but before I could, Devon said, “It’s why he wore the big hat.”
I was on the verge of asking how that applied when he proudly explained, “The hat hid his third eye.”
Oh, the things you learn when you have children.
Wednesday, March 16, 2005
Change is in the Air?
Dad: Devon, I WANT you to change your clothes before you go to school. You wore those yesterday and they’re filthy.
Devon: Yeah, yeah, I will.
Dad: And Bastian, I want you to change your -
Bastian: I know, I know… ‘I want you to change your attitude right now, mister.’
Sunday, February 27, 2005
Guest Entry: Learning How Life Sucks
I baby sat Emily, today. She was in my room happily watching Noggin on the tv, so I went in the kitchen to fix us some lunch. Then I heard this jumping going on in my bathroom so I went to check. She was in front of a full length mirror, jumping and flapping her arms to beat the band. She looked madder than Hades and tears were welling up in her eyes. I asked her what was the matter.
“Gramma, I can’t fly!”
Friday, February 04, 2005
Guest Entry from Karrie
Some kiddos will do anything to get out of going to school, but Karrie’s son, Sean, definitely gets an A for effort on this one:
After several days of giving Mom, Dad and Big Brother a hard time getting off to school, saying I have a tummy ache, my teeth hurt, I’m sick, my nose is runny, I’m too tired to go to school, etc. Sean plotted a diabolical plan before bed time the night before.
When Sean woke up in the morning no one was up yet, so he went around the house hiding all his shoes, his school shoes, his spares from last year, and his new dress shoes Mom just bought him. When Mom got up and around to helping Sean get ready, she couldn’t find any shoes, tearing the house apart and going crazy knowing she had seen them last night. What could have happened to them?
Finally, it dawned on Karrie to ask Sean if he hid the shoes. “No way, Mom, I haven’t seen them.” “Are you sure, Sean?” “Yes, Mom,” he insisted with an innocent look. Finally, out of time, and late for school, Mom grabbed an old pair of his brother’s shoes that were way too big for him and covered with dust and shoved those on his feet and said, “You’ll just have to wear these, even though they look a little bit silly.” Well, the little angel-devil couldn’t take looking so un-cool in his brother’s over sized shoes so he finally admitted, “OK, OK, I confess, I think I hid them.” After a few minutes of searching, Sean reappeared with his dress shoes to wear to school. For a couple of days he wouldn’t tell anyone where he hid them. Finally, he told Mom he had hid them between two laundry hampers and shoved Bob the Builder in front so the shoes couldn’t be found.
His school and spare shoes are still missing!
Friday, November 19, 2004
Only in Orange County
Caitlyn (now 5) was asked what she was thankful for in her Kindergarten Thanksgiving program. Several other students in her class said they were thankful for their moms, dads, brothers, etc. Caitlyn, on the other hand, is extremely thankful for her…
...makeup.
Sunday, October 17, 2004
Funny Boy
Sebastian was telling jokes at the table during lunch. That boy cracks me up.
“Why did the hot dog cross the playground?” he asks with a serious face.
We all take a moment to hmm and haw and finally, “We don’t know, why?”
“To get to the other slide,” he says before calmly taking a bite of his soup.
As if that weren’t funny enough, Devon asks, “Why a hot dog? That makes no sense? Why would a hot dog want to get to a slide?”
Sebastian gave Devon a mock wounded face and shook his head in dismay. “Hot dogs have feelings, too, you know.” He continued to eat with a straight face.
He has a promising future as a comedian.
Monday, September 27, 2004
What’s a Mom Gotta DO for a Kiss?
Jenica: Mommy, can I have a fruit roll up?
Me: Sure, if you give me a kiss.
Jenica: No thank you. You have gum in your mouth.
Um. I wasn’t going to FRENCH her. Sheesh.
Tuesday, July 13, 2004
The Almighty Bead Board
I decided to pull out my beads to give the kids something to do. Devon had beads scattered all over the table and was having a difficult time chasing them down to work on his project. I pointed out to him that using a bead board would help him organize his project and make it easier for putting it together.
After a few minutes of increased productivity he exclaimed, “I have mastered the almighty bead board!”
Wednesday, June 09, 2004
Soul Food
“Daddy, can I please please please have another fruit snack?” Sebastian begged after having finished his allotted one.
“Nope. No more tonight, buddy,” TDO replied calmly.
“Please?” Sebastian persisted. “I’ll give you my soul. Oh. Wait. Never mind. I already sold it.”
Tuesday, June 08, 2004
Guest Entry: Proper Attire
Submitted by Toni about her granddaughter, Emily (who’s not-quite-four.)
I was talking to Emily about being her aunt Beth’s flower girl. How I will
make her a beautiful dress and she will walk down the aisle carrying a
basketful of flowers and looking like a princess, she said, “But Gramma, I
want to wear my beautiful bathing suit and that will be way too cooler, huh?”
Tuesday, June 01, 2004
The Wet leading the Poopy?
Jenica is now a Litter Box Cheerleader for our new kitten. She’ll stand by the litter box and offer encouragement like, “If you be a good baby and go potty I will give you a treat,” and “You’re a big kitty now, no more diapers!”
The cat doesn’t seem to mind the intrusion of privacy though he doesn’t seem very encouraged by her words. In fact, one day I caught her standing there offering enthusiastic potty cheers while standing in a puddle of her own pee. He promptly crapped _next_ to the box instead of *in* the box.
Wednesday, April 14, 2004
Guest Entry: Andrea
Andrea submitted this one:
Caitlyn (4) had a park ranger come to her class today and she brought a California kingsnake with her.
Kya (3) wanted to know if there were any princess snakes there too.
Tuesday, April 13, 2004
Midnight Escapes?
Sebastian, age 7: Daddy, do you and Mommy go out a lot after we go to bed? Are you gone all night?
Daddy: No, Sebastian. While you and your sister and brother are sleeping at least one of us is in the house at all times. In fact, either Mom or I are home with you guys ALL the time. We would never leave you alone.
Sebastian: Good, because I don’t think I’d like you going off at night without telling me first.
Uh, what exactly is it my kids think I DO? Where would I go even if I did take off at 3am. Like, jogging? Maybe to go play pool at some seedy biker bar? Sheesh.
Tuesday, March 02, 2004
Guest Entry from Hester
One night I was getting the boys ready for bed and Isaac (the 4 year old) had finished going potty and we were getting ready to put his jammies on when he looked down at his penis and said “MOM!! It has a hole in it!! We’ll just tape it up.” I’ve apparently convinced my children that duct tape does indeed fix everything!
Monday, March 01, 2004
Sassy Pants
Me: Jenica! Get back into bed!
Jenica: HUSH! Don’t talk to me!
Me: EXCUSE me? Just who do you think you’re talking to?
Jenica: I said be quiet!
She’s three, not thirteen! Sheesh.
Wednesday, January 14, 2004
Guest Entry: A Rainbow of Fun!
Here’s another great entry from Ben’s sister, Anna. Not that anyone knows who Ben is and not that I can link to Ben because he (still) doesn’t have his website up and going, ah, but yeah. Anna and her kids are a hoot. Enjoy!
—-
I remember the day I first realized that Kristen, then about age 2, really knew her colors. I was driving along in our van with Kristen strapped into her car seat behind me talking to herself. Her conversation with herself went like this: “Hmmm…geen (Green)? No. Lello (Yellow)? No. Bown (Brown)? Dat’s it! Bown!” Unable to figure out what she was talking about, I looked at her in the rear view mirror and finally realized that she was carefully analyzing the color of her boogers!
Sunday, January 11, 2004
Guest Entry: Erica’s Kids
It’s Christmas Eve, after church, but before dinner, and the
kids were supposed to be changing their clothes. They were
mostly eating the nearly-burned cookies (how they got burned is
a whole ‘nother story).
Tristan: Shannon! There’s a hole in your mouth!
Shannon: Really?
T: You lost your tooth!
S: I did? I did!
Me: Well, honey, where is it?
S: Gone.
Me: What do you mean ‘gone?’
S: It’s gone.
Me: Did you swallow it?
S: Nope. It’s just gone.
Me: Well, we need to find it so we can leave it for the tooth
fairy.
The kids scrambled around and found it on her bedroom floor.
S: Oh! I bit into my cookie and felt something hard, so I spit
it out. I thought it was a rock. (all very matter-of-fact.
Guess I bake rocks into the cookies all the time, especially
those break-n-bake cookies!)
Wednesday, December 10, 2003
Guest Entry from Ben’s Sister Anna
I thought that those of you who know Jake would appreciate this.
Last night when the kids were in bed and the house quiet I sat in my usual
rocking chair, stroking our cat, KC, and reflecting on how grown up Jake has
become since he turned 5 last spring. Sure, he still teases his sister,
acts goofy at the dinner table and all the usual kid stuff, but it’s been a
while since he’s had any of those “OH MY GOD I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU DID THAT”
incidents. It’s been a long time since he painted the dog white, and even
longer since he painted the carpet green. And though I wanted to throttle
his little neck when he shot out the TV with a squirt gun, poured water down
the heater vent, and soused Kristen’s entire bed with a “potion” of water,
lotion and soap, we laugh about it now. My house plants have long recovered
from their “haircuts”, and though he suffered no ill effects from eating a
staple, he hasn’t tried it again, either. He’s matured in his interactions
with other kids, too. Just recently he got into a spat with another child
at school. Instead of hitting or pushing (as he would have last year) he
expressed his feelings in a note: “Der Taler, You r stoopid love,
Jake” Fortunately Taylor can’t read.
I’m almost sad that those days are over, I thought to myself. And then I
noticed that KC’s whiskers were missing…..
