Sunday, March 23, 2008
Easter Egg Madness
I asked Devon if he’d ask the neighbor for an egg so I could make a pineapple-upside-down cake to bring to the Easter dinner to which we were invited. The irony in this is that I had 4 dozen eggs (no joke) in the fridge, but all of them were hard boiled and dyed funny colors. Devon was very willing to go, which made me wonder what he was up to so I asked.
“Oh, this is going to be good,” he said excitedly. “I’m going to knock on the door and say, “My mother is baking a cake. May I please have an egg?” When they come back with an egg I’m going to take it, and right in front of them smash the egg against the side of their house on purpose. Then I’m going to right away ask, “So hey, may I please have one for my mom, now?"”
I almost peed myself laughing. I would have paid to see him do it, but I’m pretty sure if he had, we wouldn’t be allowed to borrow eggs ever again. He came back with one egg and no one called to complain, so I’m assuming he didn’t actually do it. I hope.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Sick Singing
Jenica is home sick today. She’s had a bad tummy ache and has been throwing up. This doesn’t stop her incessantly cheerful singing, though. Right now she’s at her computer merrily humming and singing. Some of it is nonsensical, though I’m catching snippets of her song here and there. The most recent lyrics? “La la la. My tummy hurts. My throw up is a little green!”
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
I’ve Got the Whole World… in my arms…
Jenica recently drew a series of pictures featuring me (well, and mostly her, but I was in them, too.) There were different poses. Sometimes we were standing. Sometimes we were sitting. Sometimes we were doing various tasks together around the house or yard. In every single picture, my arms were humongous-long. Now, if all of Jenica’s people had extendo-gadget-arms, I’d just assume that was her drawing style, but no, just mine. When I asked her about it, this was her reply:
“You have to have long arms, Mommy. You have to wrap them around everyone when you hug.”
Sunday, September 02, 2007
On Spanking
“I don’t believe in spanking. I think kids should get a good clock to the ear, instead.”
Sebastian, age 10
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Mom’s Gonna Kill You!
Yesterday, we went on the Skunk Train, in Ft. Bragg. I overheard a little girl tell her brother who was leaning out of the train car, “Be careful! If you fall out and die, Mom’s gonna kill you!”
Monday, February 05, 2007
Erm… Yes?
Jenica: Can a mommy who’s married kiss her daddy?
I think that was the question. She asked it several ways in different wording, each more confusing than the last. Finally, I assured her that daughters are allowed to kiss their daddies forever and ever even if they are grown up or married or have boyfriends or have kids of their own. That seemed to ease her mind a great deal.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Kung Fu
Jenica was curled up watching a movie with Daddy when a big fight scene broke out where the combatants busted out their best eastern fight moves. Jenica turned to her dad and said solemnly, “Daddy? I don’t know Kung Fu.”
After his initial shock, he smiled and patted her and promised, “We’ll work on that. Especially before you start dating.”
Monday, December 11, 2006
Our Own Chat Channel
We were all sitting at our computers playing our own separate games in our cool new home computer lab when Devon farted really loudly. Like. An unholy noise that could only come from the depths of hell itself. The following dialog ensued. Aloud, mind you.
Me: OMFG! Devon!
Jenica: Ew!
Devon: Noobs!
Me: WTF, Devon? Uber gross.
Devon: LOL
Jenica: LOL
Me: ROFLMAO
Devon: Ew, That was bad. I guess I modded my fart.
Me: HAXXOR!
Devon: ROFL
Me: LMAO
Jenica: LOL
Sebastian: STFU SPAMMERS!
Hm… maybe it’s time to… step… away… from the computers…
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Holey Beads, Batman!
Jenica: Your beads are getting old, Mommy. I can tell because they have holes in them.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Bloody Umpire
Jenica won a pumpkin at the school carnival and proudly brought it home to decorate. Along with the pumpkin, she won stickers with which to decorate it (to my infinite relief, as carving is messy and time consuming.) She took special care to place each and every foam sticker in it’s place with a little fanged mouth and bushy evil eyebrows lined up just so. When she was done, she took a few minutes to inspect her work then ran to get her red marker.
She utterly mangled the poor cute little face with red lines and smears and when I questioned her about it, she explained with obvious exhasperation, “He needed blood, Mommy, he’s an umpire!”
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Guest Entry: Mommy Likes VD
Hester indirectly sent this one in via a forward from Tali:
This conversation just took place between me and my 4 year old daughter, Grace.
Grace: Mommy, what is that? (pointing at my can of V8)
Me:: That’s V8. Will you put the can in the trash for me?
Grace: Ok ...Mommy, is that VD?
Me (choking): No honey, V EIGHT
Grace: Mommy, do you like VD?
Me: No, it’s V EIGHT and I do like V EIGHT
Omg, she’s going to go telling people “Mommy likes VD”
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Mmm… tastes like chicken.
For some odd reason, Devon has taken to calling his baby sister, “Johnny” when he feels like irritating her. It works quite well. I haven’t worked up enough curiosity or energy to ask why. Today he started in on her with, “How was school today, Johnny?” Jenica retorted angrily, “I’m NOT Johnny! I’m Jenica!” Devon gave her an evil smirk and said, “Oh yeah? Well, Johnny goes to your school.”
“No he doesn’t!”
“Yes he does.”
“No he doesn’t!”
“He sure does!”
“Nuh uh!”
“Yuh huh!”
“I don’t know a Johnny!”
Devon leaned against the counter all smug like and said, “Maybe not, but he sure does go there. He’s in sixth grade.”
Jenica glared at him and said, “No he doesn’t. He’s dead!”
Devon shrugged, “How’d he die?”
Jenica, “I ate him!”
“Yeah right, how’d you eat him?”
Jenica crossed her arms over her chest and spit, “I cut him up with my new scissors and ate every bite just like chicken!”
And gee. I thought Sebastian was my twisted child.
Thursday, May 04, 2006
Guest Entry from Jason
Jason Writes:
My daughter Claire is something of a smart aleck. One day when she was 2 she got very frustrated with her mother. Finally she said “I am going to tell my daddy when he gets home and he is going to spank you and fire you!”
And…
When Elise was 2 my dad was barbequing and told her “let’s go throw this meat on the barby.” She said “the what” He said “the barbeque, I call that the barby.” Not to be outdone she looked around and pointed “I call that a table.”
Thursday, September 15, 2005
I Don’t NEED This Kind of Stress!
Jenica came running up to me looking rather distressed.
“Mommy! MOMMY! The kitten is chasing me and I’m BUSY! I’m drinking my chocolate milk! I don’t NEED this kind of stress!” she shouted at me.
Oh dear. Looks like mommy is rubbing off a bit too much on Jenica. Heh.
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
Guest Submission : Head Doctor
This one from Mommy Jana who’s daughter Alanna is too smart for her own good. Heheh.
----
Lately we’ve been trying to assuage our daughter’s fear of doctors, since she had a bad experience with needles at her last visit. So everytime someone has gone to the doctor recently we’ve made a big deal out of it. Uncle Steve went to the hand doctor who fixed his hand, Gramma Jackie went to the back doctor to make her back all better, Mommy went to the eye doctor so she doesn’t wear glasses anymore and so forth. I came home from work the other day with a severe headache and needed to lie down. In came Alanna and she immediately bounced on the bed. I asked her to please be quiet, because mommy’s head hurt. She promptly kissed me on the forehead and replied, “Oh! Mommy needs a head doctor!!” How right she is…
Saturday, July 30, 2005
GIANT
Devon got back from camp today and I was so excited to see him that much to his chagrin, I gave him a giant hug and cried out, “Oh my BABY!”
Jenica laughed and yelled, “No way! He’s GIANT!”
And so he is.
(But he’s still my baby.)
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
Our Forefathers
“Mommy! Did you know that Thomas Edison was in contact with aliens?” Devon proclaimed excitedly over dinner. This, shortly after Sebastian had claimed that he believed in angels after watching a TV show over at Neighbor Kid’s house. (Remind me to keep them from going over there, I’m not sure I like all this “I believe in angels,” crap.)
“Um, what makes you say that?” I asked Devon, with no small amount of fear.
Sebastian piped up with, “It’s true! He flew a kite - “
“Er I thought it was Bejamin Franklin who flew a kite,” I asked hesitently, trying to remember my history.
“Mommy, no! He flew a kite and put a message on it and let it go,” Sebastian explained sagely. “You can send messages to the aliens without balloons, you know.”
Stunned, I managed a choked noise, but nothing more before Devon excitedly added, “Oh, and Abe Lincoln had mind powers! How do you think he won the election?”
Even more shocked and, well, dismayed, I tried asking after that but before I could, Devon said, “It’s why he wore the big hat.”
I was on the verge of asking how that applied when he proudly explained, “The hat hid his third eye.”
Oh, the things you learn when you have children.
Wednesday, March 16, 2005
Change is in the Air?
Dad: Devon, I WANT you to change your clothes before you go to school. You wore those yesterday and they’re filthy.
Devon: Yeah, yeah, I will.
Dad: And Bastian, I want you to change your -
Bastian: I know, I know… ‘I want you to change your attitude right now, mister.’
Sunday, February 27, 2005
Guest Entry: Learning How Life Sucks
I baby sat Emily, today. She was in my room happily watching Noggin on the tv, so I went in the kitchen to fix us some lunch. Then I heard this jumping going on in my bathroom so I went to check. She was in front of a full length mirror, jumping and flapping her arms to beat the band. She looked madder than Hades and tears were welling up in her eyes. I asked her what was the matter.
“Gramma, I can’t fly!”
Friday, February 04, 2005
Guest Entry from Karrie
Some kiddos will do anything to get out of going to school, but Karrie’s son, Sean, definitely gets an A for effort on this one:
After several days of giving Mom, Dad and Big Brother a hard time getting off to school, saying I have a tummy ache, my teeth hurt, I’m sick, my nose is runny, I’m too tired to go to school, etc. Sean plotted a diabolical plan before bed time the night before.
When Sean woke up in the morning no one was up yet, so he went around the house hiding all his shoes, his school shoes, his spares from last year, and his new dress shoes Mom just bought him. When Mom got up and around to helping Sean get ready, she couldn’t find any shoes, tearing the house apart and going crazy knowing she had seen them last night. What could have happened to them?
Finally, it dawned on Karrie to ask Sean if he hid the shoes. “No way, Mom, I haven’t seen them.” “Are you sure, Sean?” “Yes, Mom,” he insisted with an innocent look. Finally, out of time, and late for school, Mom grabbed an old pair of his brother’s shoes that were way too big for him and covered with dust and shoved those on his feet and said, “You’ll just have to wear these, even though they look a little bit silly.” Well, the little angel-devil couldn’t take looking so un-cool in his brother’s over sized shoes so he finally admitted, “OK, OK, I confess, I think I hid them.” After a few minutes of searching, Sean reappeared with his dress shoes to wear to school. For a couple of days he wouldn’t tell anyone where he hid them. Finally, he told Mom he had hid them between two laundry hampers and shoved Bob the Builder in front so the shoes couldn’t be found.
His school and spare shoes are still missing!
