Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Guest Entry: Whale Trainers - the other white meat
(Guest Entry from Robert.)
Back seat of car on the way to the fair. Little kid saw sign with giant killer whale.
“COOL! Shamu!”
Sister: “That’s not Shamu. He’s at Sea World.”
“Oh, um, what’s the other cool name for Shamu?”
Sister: “You mean killer whale?”
“Yeah! But why do they call them killer whales? They’re so nice and stuff.”
Sister: “Well, Shamu did eat a trainer recently.”
Monday, November 23, 2009
Guest Entry : Throw out the W/rappers
Guest Entry from Rob about Molly:
Almost crashed today while driving home from picking Molly up after her teen sleepover fun.
“Dad, music and candy have something in common.”
“What’s that, dear?”
“They’re both great once you throw out the w.rappers.”
Saturday, August 01, 2009
I Do Yo’ Nail - Fi’ Dolla!
I coerced Sebastian into letting me cut his fingernails since he wouldn’t do it himself. I was very careful not to cut them too short and to do it as quickly and painlessly as possible, but when I got to the last one, I admit I cut it a little short. It wasn’t painfully short, but still I was disappointed so I apologetically explained, “Well, rats, I got that one too short. I’m really sorry, buddy.”
“It’s alright,” Sebastian said diplomatically, “But I’m not sure I’ll be willing to pay you full price.”
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Tentacle Man
Jenica, age 8: Daddy, I’m Jack Sparrow. You be the other guy! The guy with testicles all over his face!
Friday, March 06, 2009
Guest Entry: Joscelin
We were all sitting around at dinner and discussing how much the bedrooms needed cleaning up with the older girls. Joscelin chimed in and said “You all better clean up your rooms. If you don’t, Mom and Dad will be Very Very mad at you.”
Surprised, cause we don’t usually get such clear statements out of her, we all sort of gave her a community Blank Stare. After a moment of this, Joscelin looked me in the eye and explained: (matter of fact as you can be)
“I know everything.”
(From my good friend and a kindred spirit, Robert.)
Monday, January 12, 2009
Suck It Up
Lately I’ve pushed for the kids to be more green, not necessarily strictly for environmental reasons so much as financial ones. It’s a lot cheaper to re-use cups than wash them or buy new ones (in the case of plastic disposable ones) and I’ve even gone so far as to re-use ziplock baggies, etc.
For New Years Eve, I actually did something out of character and bought disposable plastic straws for the kids to use with their fancy “mixed drinks” we made (fruit juices and 7-up, mostly). When the kids were done and went to put their cups in the sink, Jenica asked hesitantly, “Uh… Mom, what should I do with the straw?”
Sebastian rolled his eyes and said, “Just throw it away, Jenica. Even we’re not that ghetto that we’d re-use cheap straws!”
Except, sadly, I actually spent a split second contemplating what it would take to sanitize the straws for using again before I determined the hassle wouldn’t make it worthwhile. I guess I’ll have to suck it up and deal with throwing them out.
Friday, May 16, 2008
A Joke From Sebastian
A girl and a guy go out to dinner together and while they are there, the guy tells a funny joke. The girl thinks the joke is absolutely hilarious and exclaims, “LOL!”
“LOL?” the boy asks. “Did you REALLY just say L - O - L ? That’s chat speak and we’re sitting face to face!”
The girl shrugs and asks, “What’s the big deal? I thought it was funny.”
“Yeah,” the guy says, “But you don’t SAY LOL, you DO it when you’re with someone. I don’t know if I can date someone who’s so out of touch with reality.”
The girl gets angry and crosses her arms over her chest before saying, “Does this mean you’re going to make me pay for dinner?”
The boy thinks about it a minute then says, “Well, I had considered it, but I doubt they accept Pay Pal here.”
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Easter Egg Madness
I asked Devon if he’d ask the neighbor for an egg so I could make a pineapple-upside-down cake to bring to the Easter dinner to which we were invited. The irony in this is that I had 4 dozen eggs (no joke) in the fridge, but all of them were hard boiled and dyed funny colors. Devon was very willing to go, which made me wonder what he was up to so I asked.
“Oh, this is going to be good,” he said excitedly. “I’m going to knock on the door and say, “My mother is baking a cake. May I please have an egg?” When they come back with an egg I’m going to take it, and right in front of them smash the egg against the side of their house on purpose. Then I’m going to right away ask, “So hey, may I please have one for my mom, now?”“
I almost peed myself laughing. I would have paid to see him do it, but I’m pretty sure if he had, we wouldn’t be allowed to borrow eggs ever again. He came back with one egg and no one called to complain, so I’m assuming he didn’t actually do it. I hope.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Sick Singing
Jenica is home sick today. She’s had a bad tummy ache and has been throwing up. This doesn’t stop her incessantly cheerful singing, though. Right now she’s at her computer merrily humming and singing. Some of it is nonsensical, though I’m catching snippets of her song here and there. The most recent lyrics? “La la la. My tummy hurts. My throw up is a little green!”
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
I’ve Got the Whole World… in my arms…
Jenica recently drew a series of pictures featuring me (well, and mostly her, but I was in them, too.) There were different poses. Sometimes we were standing. Sometimes we were sitting. Sometimes we were doing various tasks together around the house or yard. In every single picture, my arms were humongous-long. Now, if all of Jenica’s people had extendo-gadget-arms, I’d just assume that was her drawing style, but no, just mine. When I asked her about it, this was her reply:
“You have to have long arms, Mommy. You have to wrap them around everyone when you hug.”
Sunday, September 02, 2007
On Spanking
“I don’t believe in spanking. I think kids should get a good clock to the ear, instead.”
Sebastian, age 10
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Mom’s Gonna Kill You!
Yesterday, we went on the Skunk Train, in Ft. Bragg. I overheard a little girl tell her brother who was leaning out of the train car, “Be careful! If you fall out and die, Mom’s gonna kill you!”
Monday, February 05, 2007
Erm… Yes?
Jenica: Can a mommy who’s married kiss her daddy?
I think that was the question. She asked it several ways in different wording, each more confusing than the last. Finally, I assured her that daughters are allowed to kiss their daddies forever and ever even if they are grown up or married or have boyfriends or have kids of their own. That seemed to ease her mind a great deal.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Kung Fu
Jenica was curled up watching a movie with Daddy when a big fight scene broke out where the combatants busted out their best eastern fight moves. Jenica turned to her dad and said solemnly, “Daddy? I don’t know Kung Fu.”
After his initial shock, he smiled and patted her and promised, “We’ll work on that. Especially before you start dating.”
Monday, December 11, 2006
Our Own Chat Channel
We were all sitting at our computers playing our own separate games in our cool new home computer lab when Devon farted really loudly. Like. An unholy noise that could only come from the depths of hell itself. The following dialog ensued. Aloud, mind you.
Me: OMFG! Devon!
Jenica: Ew!
Devon: Noobs!
Me: WTF, Devon? Uber gross.
Devon: LOL
Jenica: LOL
Me: ROFLMAO
Devon: Ew, That was bad. I guess I modded my fart.
Me: HAXXOR!
Devon: ROFL
Me: LMAO
Jenica: LOL
Sebastian: STFU SPAMMERS!
Hm… maybe it’s time to… step… away… from the computers…
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Holey Beads, Batman!
Jenica: Your beads are getting old, Mommy. I can tell because they have holes in them.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Bloody Umpire
Jenica won a pumpkin at the school carnival and proudly brought it home to decorate. Along with the pumpkin, she won stickers with which to decorate it (to my infinite relief, as carving is messy and time consuming.) She took special care to place each and every foam sticker in it’s place with a little fanged mouth and bushy evil eyebrows lined up just so. When she was done, she took a few minutes to inspect her work then ran to get her red marker.
She utterly mangled the poor cute little face with red lines and smears and when I questioned her about it, she explained with obvious exhasperation, “He needed blood, Mommy, he’s an umpire!”
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Guest Entry: Mommy Likes VD
Hester indirectly sent this one in via a forward from Tali:
This conversation just took place between me and my 4 year old daughter, Grace.
Grace: Mommy, what is that? (pointing at my can of V8)
Me:: That’s V8. Will you put the can in the trash for me?
Grace: Ok ...Mommy, is that VD?
Me (choking): No honey, V EIGHT
Grace: Mommy, do you like VD?
Me: No, it’s V EIGHT and I do like V EIGHT
Omg, she’s going to go telling people “Mommy likes VD”
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Mmm… tastes like chicken.
For some odd reason, Devon has taken to calling his baby sister, “Johnny” when he feels like irritating her. It works quite well. I haven’t worked up enough curiosity or energy to ask why. Today he started in on her with, “How was school today, Johnny?” Jenica retorted angrily, “I’m NOT Johnny! I’m Jenica!” Devon gave her an evil smirk and said, “Oh yeah? Well, Johnny goes to your school.”
“No he doesn’t!”
“Yes he does.”
“No he doesn’t!”
“He sure does!”
“Nuh uh!”
“Yuh huh!”
“I don’t know a Johnny!”
Devon leaned against the counter all smug like and said, “Maybe not, but he sure does go there. He’s in sixth grade.”
Jenica glared at him and said, “No he doesn’t. He’s dead!”
Devon shrugged, “How’d he die?”
Jenica, “I ate him!”
“Yeah right, how’d you eat him?”
Jenica crossed her arms over her chest and spit, “I cut him up with my new scissors and ate every bite just like chicken!”
And gee. I thought Sebastian was my twisted child.
Thursday, May 04, 2006
Guest Entry from Jason
Jason Writes:
My daughter Claire is something of a smart aleck. One day when she was 2 she got very frustrated with her mother. Finally she said “I am going to tell my daddy when he gets home and he is going to spank you and fire you!”
And…
When Elise was 2 my dad was barbequing and told her “let’s go throw this meat on the barby.” She said “the what” He said “the barbeque, I call that the barby.” Not to be outdone she looked around and pointed “I call that a table.”
